Happy Thanksgiving

May Your stuffing be tasty,
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes n’ gravy,
Have nary a lump,
May your yams be delicious,
May your pies be the prize,
May your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off of your thighs.
(Owen K. Lorion)

"Stabd Up Comedy about our Weight Loss Journey"

Hi gang,

Here is the link to the "Stand Up Comedy about our Weight Loss Journey" from Ree from our Thursday meeting in WF.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luEbbZsVPUI

Click on the link or if not copy/paste it into your browser.

Hugs. DIana

A woman's week at the gym.

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM (Thank you Wendy for sharing)

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god--with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine--which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobics instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun--like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Only One Pound

Only One Pound!

Hello, do you know me?
If you don't, you should.
I'm a pound of fat,
And I'm the HAPPIEST
pound of fat that you would ever want to meet.
Want to know why?
It's because no one ever wants to lose me;
I'm ONLY ONE POUND, just a pound!
Everyone wants to lose three pounds,
five pounds, or fifteen pounds, but never only one.
So I just stick around and happily keep you fat.
Then I add to myself, ever so slyly,
so that you never seem to notice it.
That is, until I've grown to ten, twenty, thirty or
even more pounds in weight.
Yes, it's fun being ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT,
left to do as I please.
So, when you weigh in keep right on saying,
"Oh, I only lost one pound”)
As if that were such a terrible thing.)
For you see, if you do this,
You'll encourage others to keep me around because
they'll think I'm not worth losing.
And, I love being around you -
your arms, your legs, your chin, your hips and
every part of you.
Happy Days!!!
After all, I'm
ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT!!!

Author Unknown

Why women are so smart

HAHAHAHA

Thank you Karen and Terry from Sandy Spring Bank for sharing this.

Why women are so smart............

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information andwisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes outto the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured,educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good grief, look how smart I am!

Must be where 'Smart Ass' came from!

Tequila and Salt

Tequila and Salt

This should probably be taped
to your bathroom mirror
where one could read it every day.
You may not realize it,
but it's 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world
that you would die for.

2.. At least 15 people in this world
love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to
be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,
even if they don't
like you.

5. Every night,
SOMEONE thinks about you
before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world
has turned its back on you
take another look.

11. Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.

So............
If you are a loving friend,
send this to let them know you value them.

And always remember.....
when life hands you Lemons,
ask for Tequila and Salt and call me over!

Good friends are like stars........
You don't always see them,
But you know they are always there.

"Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens
Another, Even Though
Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway"

I would rather have one rose and a kind word
from a friend while I'm here
than a whole truck load when I'm gone.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing.

Only a Chocolate Chip Cookie

HE WAS ONLY A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE...
I LOVED HIM

I met him for my birthday many years ago, there he was at the end of the buffet....a loner; the last one on the plate. He had a certain something...a sweetness. He was one chocolate cookie. I felt as if I'd always known him...it was love at first sight. When he looked at me with those warm brown eyes, I melted. Immediately I knew it, this love would last forever, he was the one. Since that day, we were inseparable. With him I could be myself. he didn't seem to care what mood I was in, how I looked or even if I gained weight. Together we had the recipe for happiness. No one ever made me happier than Chip.

THEN THINGS CHANGED

My friends said he was no good for me. He started to give me heartburn. I felt crummy, but it had to end. Now we've gone our separate ways. I hardly think of him anymore. Oh, if I see a certain TV commercial, a particular magazine ad, a coupon for cents off...that old longing returns. And when we run into each other in the supermarket, we nod. We're friendly. But it's OVER!

To laugh a little

Can't eat pork,
Swine flu...
Can't eat chicken,
Bird flu.

Can't eat Beef,
Mad cow....


Can't eat eggs,
Salmonella.


Can't eat fish,
heavy metal poisons in their waters.


Can't eat fruits and veggies,
insecticides and herbicides.


Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream!!!!!!!!
Remember - - - 'STRESSED'
spelled backwards! is
'DESSERTS'